Spiritual Being

I am a spiritual being. I have been since I was a child. I have always desired to be a part of God's kingdom. I craved heaven and the need to be there when death arrived at my doorstep. I have gone through many cycles of my walk with God. I am perplexed almost when I look back at the evolution of my faith. I wonder why faith seems to change as far as how it is manifested in my life.
I started out with just a basic need for God. The desire to go to heaven was there early on. I am not sure where it even came from other than from God Himself. I had a spiritual awakening at the age of about eleven. I came to a place of devotion to Him at about 21 or 22 years of age. At the age of about 40 - 45 I came to a place where I began to question some of my own strong basic beliefs. I did not and still do not doubt God or His existence. My questions came in the form of relationships with Him (mine and others).
I had always been so formal with my beliefs. I felt more spiritual than others at times. I would doubt other's commitment to Him and I guess I was judging them. I was right in form with most of those that surrounded me though and because of that it seemed to be okay. Well, I was deeply wrong.
I am at a place in my life where I have come to believe that only God Himself can be that judge. I am not going to and I do not want to even waste my time wondering who will be in the kingdom of God. I know my own heart and I know that God knows my heart. Because of that I feel secure. I am tired of those who feel that for some reason they are more spiritual or closer to God than the next person. God came to earth in the form of Jesus. While Jesus walked on this earth the Bible says that he spent His time with all kinds of people. He did not spend His time here on earth hanging out with just His disciples. He went everywhere and was an example to all. How could He redeem a world if He could not identify with it at all. He was the example and so I need to be an example. I know I fail. I know I am human. So...I continue on with trying to be who I think He would want me to become.
Someday I till step across the threshold of heaven and meet Him face to face. I know my heart. I will be there.
Peace.