Well yesterday my husband and I went to the oncologist and he got a c.a.t. scan. Not good news. The cancer is continuing to grow in spite of the chemo pill he is taking. He has been sick from the pill and the radiation he is getting to his brain to supposedly kill any cancer cells that may be there left over from the brain surgery. He is very tired...exhausted...limp...almost lifeless at times. The tiredness overwhelms every part of his body and brain. He quit the radiation for a week with only 2 visits of the 22 left. The nurse keeps calling and telling him the doctor wants him to get the last 2 radiation treatments. ( Is she expecting some kind of commission?) He wasn't sure but went in today after a week off from the stuff. He ended up completely exhausted again. Now..does he get the very last one? I have a feeling he will because he doesn't ever want to second guess his decisions and regret that he didn't go to the one visit. Next week he starts another kind of chemo drug. Maybe this will be the one that helps put his cancer in check. We never know. We are running out of choices.
So tonight I was running defense again. He just could not talk to anyone tonight. He just did not have enough energy to expend into visiting and retelling the bad news. My role as a defender of the weak continues forward. I wonder at times who will defend and hold me up in times of need. Maybe I won't need to be defended. Maybe I will live some insanely charmed life. We all know that is rubbish. We all have our crap to deal with every day.
Peace.
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