Anniversary

Today is my anniversary. I have been married for 33 years today.
My friends invited us up to their house for a dinner party. I was so excited to go tonight. I just have been feeling like my life is dictated by the ugly word "cancer". It really is dictated by that word but yet I hope that we can go beyond that and still have days of fun and laughter. We did tonight. I laughed and laughed. It was like the days before cancer.
I realized the other day that for the rest of my husband's life the word cancer and the thoughts of cancer will always be with us. We will think of it or talk about it sometime probably every day. Some days it seems agonizing to me. I just want things to be like they were before. I want my "normal" back. Sometimes I feel so selfish because I just don't want to even think about it at all. Then I try to think how I would feel and reality hits me hard.
I feel tired and sometimes mistreated but then my husband brings me back to what this is all about. We are partners in a marraige and in life. As his partner I will do my part to help where I can. He told me today how thankful he was for the care I give him and suddenly I realized why I am doing all this for him. He needs me. Maybe for the first and only time, he needs me. With tears in his eyes and a very humble spirit he explained to me the importance I have in his life. That was my anniversary present today. I needed those words more than ever. Words of gratitude and love.
So 33 years ago I got married to a husband who keeps learning and growing just like I do.
Happy Anniversary to me.
Peace.