Life is moving forward.
I have spent the last 6 months since Larry's death trying to figure out how to grieve. I know that doesn't make sense to some of you. You just do it....right?
Let me explain what kind of person I am. When I go on a hike I want to hurry and get to the destination so that I can enjoy it and then get back to the start so I can move on to something else. When I have a goal I want to quickly get there. I want to start a new one soon. I don't know if that is a character flaw or not but it is just who I am and all I know to be.
So..I have been grieving. I began grieving with Larry 4 years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer. We heard soon after the diagnosis that it would be terminal. We began the process of letting go of the future we thought we might have together. We let go of the vacations, the retirement, the old age thing, the time together with our loved ones. We lived in the present. We lived trying to hope and yet knowing deep down that the hope was futile. So I grieved. I was sad. Larry was too. We cried many times over the loss of some of our hopes and dreams. I still grieve. I don't know the right way but I do know that I am moving forward with my life.
After reading several books, praying, talking with others, self evaluating etc. I decided in Mexico that I was ready to see what life had for me. I wanted to laugh again. I wanted to be happy. I wanted an end to the sadness that has prevailed for 4 years. I decided to go home and see what wave I would end up riding.
I got home and low and behold there was a message for me at work from a handsome patient I was assisting with before Mexico that had called to ask me out on a date. Wow. Is that quick work for God or what. He gave me the opportunity to move forward. Would I take it or would I stay back. I decided to go for the ride on that wave.
Jeff and I have been dating for a little over a month now. It is a great wave to be riding. The smile has returned to my face again. My laughter is back. I am moving forward and I am loving it.
Peace,
Val
