I wonder if we can really change who we are inside much. I was with my sister this evening and I was talking to her about how I tend to carry things around forever. I really try to let things go. I really want to let things that bother me...go. My sister said "face it...we can't change now.". I wonder. Is she really right? Can we not really change? I want to change things in my life.
I guess I could make a new year's resolution and see how I do with that. I never have felt comfortable with resolutions because it seems that all I ever hear about is how someone failed at them. So why set myself up for failure? That doesn't make sense to me.
I really believe that I can change the things I want to change. I just need to find out how to take those steps.
I bought a couple of books today. One of the books has to do with grief. Not just the kind that I am having to live with right now but any kind of grief. It was written by a Buddhist who is also a psychologist. I wasn't sure I even wanted to buy it at first to be honest. After all....what would people say if they saw me reading a book written by a Buddhist? Then I thought...who the hell cares what they think. I am trying to get through a big old bump in my road of life right now and maybe this will help. But my point is that in looking through the book I got the feeling that he tries to get the reader into a place of peace. Peace with where we are right now. Peace even in the midst of loss. Peace in turmoil.
So the book is going to Mexico with me and maybe I will get the time to read and soak it in and maybe some of the things the this old dog has going on will change. I hope so.
Val
